Let’s start with the air,
All conditioned and clean.
Yet there’s that hint of crisp
Paper, clothes, the wisp.
Let’s not forget the boards
Flashing advertisements and digits
To pockets, people and pods
As sparkly slaves debit and credit
They deal in cash and kind
Betwixt streets, one you’ll find.
Loops of notes and uniform slips
Mark the halls of Tender’s keeps.
So play the games of bundles
For here we’ve hidden treasure
And if you still don’t catch my drift,
This is the clinic of pockets lifts.
Can I give some honest feedback?
LikeLike
I crave honest feedback
LikeLike
I would just say that when you’re aiming at a rhyming, rhythmic poem, it has to scan when read. So syllables have to be consistent and rhyming lines usually share equal syllables. Of course this can change, but each verse should stand by a set of rules unless you’re writing entirely in free verse.
LikeLike
Thanks… I will put this to effect. But did you know what i was talking about
LikeLike
Apologies if it seemed a bit blunt, but it is what I’ve learnt from several older poets (some from published books, others whom I know).
You were speaking about bankers, Wall Street, obsession with possession, and how they would steal whatever they wanted (primarily money). That’s what I got from it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Astute you are… I need to follow you on twitter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t post on Twitter I’m afraid.
LikeLike
Googleplus?
LikeLike
WordPress is the only place I post regularly. SmallSmilingPrincess and BlueRoomWriter are my two blogs.
LikeLike