These are the places I foresaw,
Tears in the present, wrapped gifts
They flowed out of stabs you tore
Now along rich white pen drifts
A future within, I bore
Even as I broke bread with stiffs.
These are the sounds I sang of
Truth in the lies our smirks stank of
They resonate from a past I was part of
Now, from tomorrow, Yesterday’s thrown off.
These symbols are signs of
The echo I am at the brink of.
I tick off another one
Another last, another first
All a waste spent alone.
Love is solvent, I thirst.
These are the words I will forget,
Stories of lust and regret.
They will not define me yet.
When will they? When I forget to forget
Everything but my eternal state.
The best is coming; Wait!
There she is…
The Walls Aren’t There Any more. finally they have come down like Jericho’s famous walls They were meant to keep you all out. But they also kept all of me in. So that while others have slayed dragons and grew adept at manoeuvring the beasts with surety. My legs still tremble and I second guess myself, and my ability to handle them . I look longingly at the crumbles of the wall. It was not so bad ; I think. I take a step backwards towards were I think my surety lies. But it’s too late, the beast that keeps watch outside the Walls has awaken. I gasp and take a step back towards the familiar crumbles. But my movements are too hasty and he looks down. His eyes pin mine almost in a dare. I take another step back and he lowers it’s strong, fierce head and bares it’s…
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Pain. I started out from pain. My insides in turmoil as I stewed in pain’s oil yet everything, worked together for my good. I smile sometimes when I remember their faces and jokes and stories and yokes and then I, blink…
Thousands of times ago you, Father, thought me up; but then it might have been today because for someone who transcends the ‘before and after’ phenomenon of Time yet chooses to operate by it, what you go back and change will not have changed but will have always been as you made it. Change is a human adjective. Its always today for you.
If not how will those whom you called, be the same you predestined to bear the image of your son, when they are, we are, the same who nearly didn’t believe?
You thought me up…created me…gave flesh to the idea that is my spirit, my being.
I must ask…did you…wait…its you after all: Alpha Omega, Lord of Heaven, Master of Light and Life, Grand Lord of the Angel Armies, The Almighty, The Cradle of Wisdom and Faithfulness; you knew what could have happen and yet you let it. You gave the Angels and Humans free will and…now we’ve built systems of pale responsibility and transience to facilitate our disregard for you.
You are awesome…incomprehensibly so.
Yet your faithfulness endures forever. I want to complain of how it hurts to release my friends, they have to go. I’ve been here before and after this I’ll be reluctant to be vulnerable again. But they were worth it, worth every tear I’ll hold back in their absence. The streets I used to associate with communion will become historical landmarks. I will remember their faces and jokes and stories and yokes and when I walk past our spots and streets, my insides will simmer in pain’s oil so I grease by faster, hoping all is well with them.
I miss my friends, I’ll miss my friend. It hurts. But I believe that the suffering of these moments are nothing compared the glory to come when we are reunited back home.
It will be worth the wait…worth the pain.