Vomitabulary

This is tomorrow’s post
Mailed right back from yesterday
These are things I want the most
But my beliefs hold sway

Yes I want to eat and sleep
Write so fast my hand’s a blip

But let’s come back to reality shall we. You! Reading this. You are witnessing a rare moment. Writing takes a lot of planning for me. I want y’all to feel me and yet get the message. Yet its a messed age we live in. So a lot of times my message is lost in cognitionlessness.

A million voices scream in my head, and I can’t type my thoughts fast enough. I hope you get my meaning and poof! I give you what I got. But where are we going with this.
Why do I bother?

Its the purpose of a thing that…gives it an excuse to exist. God thinks it up, and even if it doesn’t remember, purpose keeps it going; Predestination.

I miss a part of myself. I lock it up and treat it like its Beelzebub but it exists. I deny it and try to deprive it but even Paul recognized his ‘sin in me’.

There is a girl. If she was beside me, I wouldn’t think of any other thing but her but…why do I let her free?… Because of purpose. I want…I need to become what God envisioned me as when he let me into this planet. It consumes me how he loves me.

I know he sees past my weaknesses into the strength he made me have, the love I’m capable of, the joy I can transmit. It seduces me. I don’t want to hurt him or annoy him. Yet he planned this and slew a sacrifice in my place so no matter what I did, do or have done, I can come boldly into his presence, without fear that the King of Kings will reject my existence.

I am redeemed.

So I bide my time knowing that I have… A purpose, a plan…his.

I could tell you nastier things but truth is,  I want these and her. But this isn’t the beginning nor is it the end.